I worked on big tobacco. I also worked on anti-tobacco. I prefer big tobacco. Please smoke more so we can prove anti-tobacco ads don’t work. Any idiot can write an anti-tobacco ad. To prove it, I am going to write 100 while watching 2 and a Half Men. For visuals, just picture a lonely kid or a lung x-ray or a guy talking with one of those buzzers to the throat.

-Smoking kills 45,000,000 people a year and orphans twice as many.

-Smoking isn’t just for losers, it’s also for dead people.

-Smoking is sexy, just ask the hottie with a hole in her throat.

-Smoking can enhance your chest – especially your lungs.

-Smoking killed my Dad and is still stalking the rest of my family.

-Smoking is an acquired taste. So is the hospital food in ICU.

-Smoking has killed more than the holocaust. Big tobacco should have a tiny moustache.

-Smoking can be a pain in the butt.

-Smoking is like VD only they don’t make condoms for your lungs.

-Smoking is as bad as farting only farts smell better.

-The only thing worse than dying with lung cancer is living with it.

-Smoke and you’ll live to regret it – if you’re lucky.

-Use your head and your lungs. Don’t smoke.

-Smoking turns makes your fingers yellow, your lungs black and your family blue.

-Secondhand smokers have a special place in their lungs for all firsthand smokers.

You know what? I don’t feel like writing 100. Hogshead, you still win.